Focus on the Family Community: Relationships and Marriage: Some ...

I can't type all of my marriage's history, or else we'd be here all night...and this is my first post, so bear with me! :)

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My husband and I have separated twice in 2010, but have since reconciled, and have been back together for nearly a year now. Sunday will be our 11th wedding anniversary. We have 2 daughters.

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My husband has changed a lot and learned a lot from us being separated, as did I (I am the one who left)...but there is still one thing that just bothers me so bad!!!

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My husband has always provided well for us, and doesn't job hop or anything like that. He works 7 days in a row, for 12 hours, and then he is off for 7 days...and on and on...But he feels that is ALL he has to do as a husband. I know I am not the only one who struggles with this, and I am hoping for some advice on how to deal with it. Because separating again is definitely not an option, and talking to him about it only makes him mad. His ideas of laziness are men who don't work at all, or have a bad work history/ethic.

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My deal is that he doesn't hardly ever help me with the girls. I don't ask him to do housework...I am a stay at home mom, that is my job to keep house. All I ask of him is to take out the trash. We haven't had to worry about doing lawn work because we are in a drought and on water restrictions and 90% of the yards here are yellow and dead. But in previous summers, it takes an act of Congress to get him to maintain the yard. Sometimes he won't do it at all and I just hire someone to do it.

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But as for the girls (they are 9 and nearly 5), I do 99% of the parenting. I only work 2 days a week at a church at the Mothers Day Out program, 6 hours those 2 days. On the days I have to work and he is off, I ask him to take my oldest to school, so that I don't have to stop getting ready to take her. We live a half a mile from the school, but it still takes 20-30 minutes to get her there and dropped off in the right place because of all the lines. He will give me some excuse about how tired he is, or he just will flat out tell me no, and then on some occasions, he will get up and take her no protesting at all. So I am always wondering IF he will do little things like that. I tuck them in, bathe them, just pretty much everything.

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I do everything and I mean everything for him. When he gets up to go to work, his lunch is packed, his clothes are clean and I make his water and ice ready for his water can. Basically all he has to do it get up and get dressed and go. I even get up with him when he is working daylights and see him off and all that.

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But I get so resentful inside because he won't do anything to help take the load off of me. Little thoughtful things like I do for him, or little or big things that will save me time/stress.

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I'd like both men and womens point of views on this!!! How do I just let it roll of my shoulders easier instead of letting resentment build up?? I AM thankful that he works and provides well...I just wish he'd help with the children he helped create. Should I just expect that he won't do anything and appreciate the things he does think to do besides working outside the home? Should I not ask him to help with the kids? Ughhhh I just don't know!!

Source: http://www.focusonlinecommunities.com/thread/22691

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